I Believe You

I keep watching all the shit going on in the U.S. right now and I just want to throat punch someone.

The sheer number of people who are all for giving men a free pass for shit they did as teenagers is absolutely appalling.

The bullshit coming out of the U.S. over Brett Kavanaugh and his alleged assaults and inappropriate behaviour towards women in his younger days should literally bar him from sitting on the supreme court, or any court for that matter. I don’t understand how this is even a question. How can you trust the judgement of someone that apparently had no qualms about attempting to rape someone and laughed their ass off while doing it?

Wouldn’t you think that he’d have his own biases when judging cases like that? That he’d be more likely to side with the accused because he himself did things like that and clearly the victim is just making shit up because it’s not that big a deal?

This is sending a horrific message to young girls – if a guy takes his dick out and trys to shove it in your face, you should just, I dunno, laugh about it? Or if he holds you down and tries to put his dick inside you, you should just chalk it up to being a youthful indescretion? What the actual fuck?

And then hearing the goddamn president literally dismiss the accusations as an attempt to ruin the life of his personal pick for SCOTUS when he himself has been accused of sexual assault…

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Girls, I know it seems like no one cares about what happened to you. Hearing the people in power dismiss your feelings or call you a liar is disheartening. It feels like you should just give up and try to forget about it because what good will it do if no one believes you?

But there are people that believe you. I believe you. Please don’t give up or give in to dispair. There are people out there willing to help.

I believe Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. I believe survivors of sexual assault.

If you have been assaulted, please tell someone. Doesn’t matter who, just find someone you trust. If you feel like you can report it to the police, please do so. Those that would harm you need to be held accountable for their crimes.

It’s going to be an uphill battle, but it can be won.

I have to believe that.

-A.

A Year of Yarn

According to Facebook Memories, it’s been just over a year since I picked up those crochet hooks at that Walmart in Montana and returned to Canada to root through that bin of yarn Mom had in her basement.

Oh what a year it’s been.

The whole reason I started crocheting was to stave off the likely inevitable osteoarthritis that runs in the hands of women in my family. Grandma has it pretty bad, and Mom’s got it started, so keeping the fingers limber and active seemed like a good idea.

Idle hands and all that.

We picked up a few different sized hooks and I pulled a bunch of yarn out. It turns out you can learn any damn thing by watching YouTube videos.

So I found a video for beginners and got started.

My first and second attempt. Good god these are awful.

I actually enjoy reptitive tasks; I find it meditative. It’s easier for me to think and I’ve come up with some of my most epic creative ideas while doing such repetitive tasks. Basic crochet is literally just repetition – row after row of the same motion for as long as you want.

Where has this been all my life?!

I started off easy – trying to make squares and maybe add a boarder – just trying to master the basic single crochet stitch.
I started gaining the confidence to try different stitches and patterns and my work started to get more and more esthetically pleasing. Hell, they were good enough that I started giving them away to friends.

At the same time I made hats and handwarmers and scarves, all fairly straightforward projects that were functional and could be worn and shown off.

The sheer number of hats and stuff I made over the winter, just to keep myself busy while sitting in the truck or the medic shack all day, was insane. Watch an instructional video a few times, get the pattern down pat, and go for it.

Then I got on a blanket kick and started doing infinite granny square blankets, which were a nice little project for sitting in the truck. They were square and large enough to cover one’s lap while reading on the couch or something.

And then I discovered amigurumi.

Making little animals and people and things that were small and cute was fun and fairly easy…once I got the whole magic ring down anyway.

I made cats and owls and octopi, I even found a pattern for Porgs! I love Porgs! You could crochet pretty much anything from nerd culture and it was amazing.

But I think I may have found my calling when I came across a patten for a spooky little Nightmare Before Christmas type doll. It had more pieces than anything I’d done before, but the stitches were basic so I bought the pattern and gave it a go.

This is the end result.

I want a kitty hat too, I should make one.

I look at this doll and I’m stunned that I actually made it. She tool three days and something like 15 hours, but it was so satisfying to finish, moreso than the other stuff I’d made.

The fact that I’ve gone from that first photo to the one above in a little over a year is pretty awesome, I think.

Looking forward to many more yarn years to come.

-A.

Tell me a story…

So as I wrote in another post a while back, I’ve been working on my fiction writing skills.

After several attempts to turn words into coherent sentences, I finally got a short story written, revised, edited and submitted to a lit magazine contest.

Pulp Literature’s Hummingbird Flash Fiction contest was for stories under 1000 words and could be about pretty much anything. Coming off a decade in journalism where you write clear, concise, and to-the-point articles, writing a flash fiction story felt more natural than trying to world-build and extensive character development.

Is that a cop out? I dunno, perhaps.

So I hummed and hawed and questioned myself and doubted myself and let my anxiety run away with me for a bit before hitting ‘submit’ on the website.

And then it went to the back of my mind and I almost forgot about it.

In the meantime I worked on some other stories – I wrote three pages of a post-apocalyptic dystopian story that got wiped from my hard drive and started on a creative non-fiction piece, which is more in my wheelhouse – and just kept going.

Then I got an email one night saying my wee little story made the longlist for the contest. That means it was good enough to be considered for the top prize. That means it wasn’t terrible.

If that’s not pure validation I don’t know what is. Considering all I was expecting was a critique of the story, this was very exciting.

I didn’t make it any farther than the longlist, but I still feel pretty accomplished.

Now, I had a few people as to read to the story, because of course they do, why wouldn’t they? But I am reluctant to share the story at this point in time.

Why? Because it’s about a mass shooting in a grocery store.

You may have heard about a similar situation in the states at a Trader Joe’s in Los Angeles on July 21. This was a coincidence to the nth degree, though I suppose it was only a matter of time before mass shootings in the states went from schools, movie theatres, and churches to the local supermarket.

Another “why” folks may be asking is, why did I write about such a bleak subject? My short story ideas come from a list of nightmares I’ve had over the years. If the dream is vivid enough that I actually remember it, I usually write down the gist of what happened and use it as a story prompt. One of those was about hiding amongst the hot dogs while someone was holding shoppers hostage at some random store.

So, yeah. It would be a bit insensitive to post the story here where the public can see it. Maybe some day, but not right now.

For the time being, I’m just gonna keep plugging away on my little Chromebook and get some more of these ideas out of my head.

Wish me luck.

-A.

UPDATE: I received the critique on this story last night and it was positively glowing. A couple things to change, but beyond that all positive feedback. I really don’t suck after all!

History repeats itself

Well I definitely have to eat crow right about now.

Way back in the before time of 2016, when a so-called billionaire was running for the highest office of our neighbours to the south, I wrote a column about how everyone was comparing this sack of shit to Hitler. I wrote there was no way the United States of America would ever allow a modern Nazi party to take over and start putting people in camps and bringing about another Holocaust. Hyperbole, I scoffed. It’ll be OK, I wrote. It’ll be an amusing anecdote in a poli-sci textbook someday.

Oh, how wrong I was…Way to fail me and everyone else on the planet, America.

I honestly didn’t believe it could happen. I thought people were better than this. And yet, here we are. The leader of the free world wants to be just like some of the most ruthless dictators alive today, ones that starve and outright murder their citizens. He’s dehumanizing certain groups of people because they don’t look like him. His dumbfuck administration is taking migrant children away from their parents and putting them into camps.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

I can’t even fathom how traumatized these children are and how badly this is going to fuck them up for the rest of their lives. Granted this isn’t the first time America, or Canada for that matter, had broken families like this. Residential schools, Japanese internment camps…slavery, anyone?

You’d think people would know better by now, but clearly humans never learn a goddamn thing.

The most frustrating thing is all we can do-those of us outside the U.S.-is sit and watch the travesty unfold. All we can do it sit glued to our phones and tablets and laptops as the world’s superpower sinks to unimaginable depths.

Yes, we can boycott American products – Maclean’s has a nice little list of products with Canadian equivalents – while this ridiculous trade war goes on, but there isn’t much else we can do. Tweeting, Facebooking, even writing this post won’t change anything.

But we are a culture of venting our feelings and fustrations on the interwebs, so here we are.

All we can really do is hope that the Mueller investigation yields fruit and sees that P.O.S POTUS impeached and sent to prison.

One thing for sure…this will definitely be in all the poli-sci textbooks.

-A.

Showing some skin

It looks like it’s officially the warm season, which means I will be miserable for the next four months from a lack of sleep in my sauna of an apartment.

Warm weather and I don’t mix—never have, probably never will—but I have learned a wonderful way to cope.

Wanna know the secret? It’s called not giving a fuck.

lookatall

I’m a plus sized woman, and as such society has wanted us to remain covered up so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of those who fit the appropriate mold.

Thankfully, the body positive movement has made it a little better for those of us deemed plus sized. However, getting past the whole, ‘I can’t show off my legs because they aren’t perfect’ mentality is hard to break.

I didn’t wear anything shorter than capris for YEARS, which could be sweltering and awful. Then I hit my 30s and said ‘to hell with this shit!’ and wore whatever the fuck I felt like. Including above the knee shorts.

I wear shorts and show off my big thighs; I wear tank tops and show off my big arms. Don’t like it? Offended by my body fat? Too fucking bad.

This feels like a good time to trot out this little track—consider it my body positive jam for the summer.

Miss Eaves is utterly amazing, do check out her other videos.

So here’s to the next few months of sweat, sunburns, and heat exhaustion. Ugh.

-A.

A swift kick to the (Infinity) stones

THIS POST IS FULL OF SPOILERS! GET OUTTA HERE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THINGS ABOUT AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR!

I have so many feels about Avengers: Infinity War that I wasn’t able to form coherent sentences about it immediately after seeing it.

This is of course the initial reaction:

7686178464_fdc8ea66c7

But now that I’ve had time to process, I can sort of pull together thoughts and make them into words. Sort of.

So here’s a rambling collection of thoughts in no particular order.

*I had no idea what was happening when Bucky started turning to dust… I thought something was just wrong with his spanky new arm.

*Thor is the mightiest Avenger. Period.

*WHERE THE FUCK IS VALKYRIE?!?!

* Doctor Strange works so much better as part of an ensemble team. Liked him a lot more here than in his solo movie.

*Wakanda should absolutely host the Olympics, Okoye is a goddamn genius!

*Watching Peter cling to Tony as he faded from existence saying “I don’t want to go” tore my heart out almost as much as another epic character that didn’t want to go.

maxresdefault

Which has more emotional impact will depend on your fandom.

*I wonder about Marvel’s decision of which characters to disintegrate—you wouldn’t have thought Black Panther would be one of them, considering his movie just came out and blew the box office away, but then, this was likely all decided long before that. Panther, Spider-Man, Scarlet Witch, Star-lord, Drax, Matis, Groot, Bucky, Falcon, Doctor Strange, Agent Hill, Nick Fury…why these characters in particular?

*When Thanos killed Loki I was all GASP but also OK? Not really sure why.

*However, when Thanos stabbed Tony I was all hands-over-the-mouth-GASP since I heard there would be deaths and figured OMG this is totally the death they were hinting at… Oh poor naive little me.

*Killing Vision twice was harsh, man. Way harsh.

*I’m assuming Shuri survived and expect to see her and Bruce and Tony (when he gets back to Earth) science-ing it up all over the place to try and fix this mess.

*Folks that think Thanos is sympathetic because he cried a whole tear at the thought of killing Gamora to get the Soul Stone were not paying attention because HE FUCKING DID IT ANYWAY BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT GENOCIDAL MANIACS DO!!!

*Also random Red Skull appearance, WTF!?

*After Thanos uses the gauntlet to wipe out half the universe and he’s in that weird red place with a gate and little Gamora, a little girl in the audience asked “Is he in heaven?”

dd9591534c6f67e6ca124bee0da8e3e9d2ac731d89a21427394f17fdcfc5131d

No. He’s not.

*CLEARLY this is what has to happen for Thanos to be defeated, it’s the ONE scenario that Strange saw the Avengers winning and this is how it has to happen. Something or someone—some deus ex machina perhaps—will revert everything back to the way it was before Thanos got all the Infinity Stones. Something! Some weird combo of the Time Stone and the Soul Stone—the latter brings everyone that got dusted back to life and the the former turns back the clock so the world/universe doesn’t remember anything that happened, save the Avengers.

*We need Captain Marvel RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

As much as this movie was a gut punch to the emotions, I need to see it again. Not immediately, but at some point before it leaves the theatre.

Thankfully we have Deadpool 2 coming out in a few weeks to bring laughter back to our lives.

-A.

The so-called “incel rebellion” in Canada

Toronto is in mourning after a 25-year-old man drove a van down Yonge Street, hitting many pedestrians in the process, earlier this week.

Alek Minassian has been arrested for running down ten people, mostly women, and injuring 14 more before police managed to stop him. Even more miraculous, they managed to take him alive.

The victims are being publicly identified as the days go on. So far Sohe Chung, Anne Marie D’Amico, Dorothy Sewell, Munir Najjar, Chul Min “Eddie” Kang, Betty Forsyth and Renuka Amarasinghe have been named. Read the Toronto Star’s ongoing article about the victims here.

Of course the cries that Minassian was Muslim and immigrant terrorism and blah blah blah came pouring out on social media, but imagine those folks’ surprise to find out that Minassian was a man who hated women because he felt they owed him sex and wouldn’t give it up.

Minassian was self-described as “incel,” which is a short form of “involuntarily celibate.” There’s a small corner of the “manosphere” as I’ve seen it called where these men gather to lament their lack of sexual experience and blame not only women, but also other men that do actually manage to have sex with women. Those men clearly brainwash the women into the sack, because why else would a woman choose one of THOSE men over an online community of man-children that compare a woman’s labia to a roast beef sandwich?

Oh, and they also blame feminism. Of course they do.

A news outlet found a Facebook post by Minassian about “the incel rebellion” and praising Isla Vista shooter Elliot Rodger and confirmed it was legit.
Once it was confirmed, hot takes and think pieces linking Minassian to these hate groups started popping up all over social media. I am LOATHE that news sites have a photo of Rodger in their story links. It sends a bad chill down my spine, likely stemming from reading his so-called manifesto a few years ago for my take on what happened in Isla Vista. You can read that take here, if you’re so inclined. I couldn’t even finish manifesto, it made me physically ill. As did looking into the “incel” community—it’s hard to fathom that such hate exists, but there is was, all on the internet for anyone to find.

So to hear that another one of these so-called “incel” men were responsible for the injury and death of so many people in my own country just causes that bile to rise once again. It’s terrifying to see that these men are becoming emboldened enough to murder people due to their entitlement issues.

Some folks are coming out that Minassian is autistic, as if that absolves him somehow. There are plenty of autistic people in the world that DON’T murder people, so that’s literally no excuse. Trying to claim mental health as a reason for violent behaviour is bullshit—yes, these men CLEARLY have more than a few issues they need to work through, but it’s not mental illness.

Since Minassian was taken alive, there’s hope that maybe the powers that be can gain a little insight into the “incel” mindset and maybe explain to him and others within this little groups as to why this worldview is completely ass-backwards. Also throw his ass in prison for life to hopefully deter any other member of this “incel rebellion” from trying something similar.

It’s likely little comfort to the families of those who were killed, but I think we all hold out hope that justice will be served in this case.

Just to drive the point home, as many other women out there have said, boys, we do not owe you sex. We don’t owe you dates, or a smile, or a kind word, or the time of day. Women owe you NOTHING. Let me say that again: WOMEN OWE YOU NOTHING! Get it through your fucking skulls already.

-A.