Oprah for president?

If you didn’t watch the Golden Globes last night, you may have missed the future president of the United States making a speech.

Here, give it a watch, I’ll wait.

After that glorious speech, many on social media were calling for Ms. Winfrey to run for the highest office in the land in 2020. And really, why the hell not? If America is all about having celebrities run their country, they could do a hell of a lot worse (and currently are).

Oprah comes from nothing, built herself up and created an empire that is actually successful! She didn’t get any handouts to get herself started and hasn’t gone bankrupt several times over—you want a businessperson running the country, you’d be hard pressed to find a better one!

Imagine having a woman this eloquent giving a press conference, or the State of the Union address, or hell, even an inauguration speech—feeling uplifted and inspired rather than ‘holy shit, what have we done?!’

Yes, she’s got little experience in political office, but Winfrey’s a damn smart woman, and damn smart people know that when they don’t know something, they turn to advisors and those with experience in such matters to help guide them to make the best decisions for the people.

Also, there wouldn’t be any tweets letting her followers and the world know that she’s “like, really smart”—smart people don’t have to say they’re smart, their actions tend to prove that point.

While I think America should veer away from this disastrous experiment in allowing non-politicians to run their country, if Ms. Winfrey did decide to throw her name in the race in two years, I wouldn’t be against it (especially sitting from the sidelines north of the 49th parallel).

However, there are currently plenty of women in office right now that have the right experience and could be potential candidates, with the proper support. So maybe look to them as well? Just a thought.

Side Note: I fucking LOVE Oprah’s glasses. Seriously, glasses aren’t seen as a hinderance to looking amazing anymore. You can go to a gala and rock your glasses rather than cram plastic bits into your eyes—LOVE IT!

-A.

 

Getting (more) crafty in 2018

It’s a brand new year. A new chapter in the book of life, a blank slate on which we can paint anything. Anything is possible at the start of a new calendar!

Or some bullshit like that.

Why we all feel the need to better ourselves in January I don’t even know. Perhaps it’s because we tend to feel like sloths after all that Christmas food and a total lack of exercise—the holidays are over, now we can get back on track!

You could make that argument after Thanksgiving as well, but no one ever seems to.

I don’t really believe in making resolutions about diets and exercise, since I feel that’s something that ought to be done year round. Rather, I’m going to set a goal for myself that I know I can actually achieve and won’t give up on in February.

I want to master the crochet Magic Ring. I’ve gotten the whole crocheting flat things down pretty well—washcloths, hand towels, scarfs, hats, etc. Now I’d like to try and make more 3D stuff, so I’m looking at amigurumi.

Wikipedia tells me amigurumi is the Japanese art of knitting or crocheting small, stuffed yarn creatures. I like small creatures, so I think this will be fun.

However, it takes some practice. Crocheting in the round isn’t something I’ve done a lot of, so I need to get the starter magic ring down, as pretty much all amigurumi patterns start with that.

This was my first attempt, which isn’t too terrible.

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I had no stuffing to fill it with, so it’ll probably just wind up being a toy for the cats.

So that’s my crafty goal for 2018. I plan to have a whole horde of little yarn creatures by the end of the year.

Happy New Year, folks.

-A.

 

Do no harm, but take no shit

This has been a hell of a year for sexual violence.

That men (and the occasional woman) are finally being held accountable for their gross actions is a HUGE step in the right direction, but as always, we have so far yet to go.

Calling out those in power that have abused others gained so much momentum thanks to a resurgence of the #MeToo movement. Originally started by social activist Tarana Burke in 2006, it exploded on Twitter this year with thousands of women (and plenty of men) sharing their stories of being sexually harassed, assaulted, and abused. Every woman you talk to has a story, whether it’s being catcalled, having unsolicited dick pics sent to their phone, having their ass grabbed, or being violently raped, be it by a total stranger or someone they thought could be trusted.

We all have story.

The New Yorker exposé on Harvey Weinstein is a difficult, often nauseating read, but because of that story, it’s no longer a so-called “open secret” that he’s regularly committed sexual assault against numerous women. There had been allegations against other powerful men earlier in the year, but the Weinstein story set off a domino effect, with more and more women—powerful women, no less—coming forward. It showed the world that sexual harassment happens to all women, no matter how rich and famous.

Having the “Silence Breakers” as TIME’s Person of the Year was a monumental step for women finding the courage to speak out about sexual assault and harassment. This was the year that people finally started listening, or at the very least acknowledging, that women experience sexual violence and harassment on a regular basis. It’s everywhere right now—you can’t turn around without hearing about another politician or celebrity that did some very bad shit to multiple women and men.

This is a good thing. Breaking the silence about serial abusers will save others from becoming victims and hopefully help those that have been victims start to heal. Who would have thought at the start of this long, ridiculous year that we’d actually be having these discussions? Especially after the most powerful country on earth voted a known sexual assaulter into the Oval Office.

Then you get people like Matt Damon saying stupid shit like this and it makes you wonder if we’ll ever move out of the dark ages.

I’m sorry (not really), but any time someone mentions this man, all I can picture is this:

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Not raping someone doesn’t make you a goddamn hero, it makes you the bare minimum of a decent human being. So no, we’re not going to start praising the menfolk that have somehow managed to not stick their dick where it’s not wanted. Try listening with your ears instead of your mouth, dude.

Yes, we’re talking a lot about those men, because we need to talk about those men. Get used to it, the tide is turning and we are not taking that shit anymore. This is a conversation that’s been needed for decades, so it’s going to go on for quite a while. The Matt Damons of the world need to take a seat, and people need to stop asking their opinion.

As this mindfuck of a year winds down (remember how batshit 2016 was and we all thought 2017 would be better? Oh, we were so naive) the momentum that started needs to continue into 2018 and beyond.

To those that have come forward, anonymously or not, you are heroes to so many of us and we are grateful for your courage. To those that haven’t come forward yet, know that you are not alone.

-A.

I want a porg for Christmas

It may have been the longest wait in all my life, but I finally saw The Last Jedi on Tuesday.

Having stayed away from most fan theories, teasers, and spoilers, I went into the theatre with minimal outside influence on my expectations and was so not disappointed. As other outlets have noted, TLJ is the first truly feminist film in the franchise, which makes it utterly amazing, and of course, also means plenty of fanboy rage.

Fair warning: scrolling past the Porg will expose you to spoilers… you have been warned.

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Criticism surrounding TLJ seems to stem from the fact that there are female characters in prominent roles, or maybe the diversity of the cast, or PC culture, or ignoring the Extended Universe in the novels, or not following the traditional Star Wars formula and doing a remake of The Empire Strikes Back—it all depends on who you ask. Rey is the titular last Jedi, not the beloved Luke Skywalker; Leia leads the Resistance and command is handed to Vice Admiral Holdo—another woman—when she’s incapacitated; the non-white Rose and Finn have their own subplot and aren’t relegated to the background; the villains and are a pair of angry white men in Hux and Kylo Ren. Too much politics, not enough Luke Skywalker doing Jedi things. Questions asked in The Force Awakens are not satisfactorily answered (What do you mean Rey isn’t a Kenobi!?).

Disney has destroyed childhoods, or some dumb thing.

A fandom as huge as the Star Wars fandom will always have its detractors; anything that deviates from the sacred original trilogy is seen as blasphemy. But the entire franchise has been about a group of rebels fighting against space fascists, be it the Empire or the First Order, so how can people complain about it being too liberal or socialist or PC or whatever the hell?

Was it the fact that the gun-happy pilot Poe Dameron was shut down by Vice Admiral Holdo? Like, how dare she not just listen to every single word he says and just relinquish command over to him?! Yes, Holdo could have told him her plan, but he wasn’t entitled to know what it was—he was demoted by Leia, and Holdo was the commanding officer. That’s the way it works. Mansplaining the situation to her just makes him look like a dick. Seriously, did no one notice that his plan to take down the Dreadnought got almost the entire squad killed?

Then you’ve got the original hero, Luke Fucking Skywalker, now a hermit living on an island with a bunch of frog nuns and space puffins. This isn’t how a Jedi Master should be living! This can’t be the real Luke Skywalker, yadda, yaddda, yadda.

Life doesn’t always work out the way we expect it to; shit often goes sideways in a breathtaking fashion, as it did when Ben Solo embraced the Dark Side and murdered everyone in Luke’s little academy. That was his nephew, his flesh and blood, and he failed him, both as an uncle and as a teacher. I don’t care who you are, that kind of thing fucks you up.

The Last Jedi is about letting go of the past in more ways than one. On film it’s about Rey and her abandonment issues, as well as Luke and his guilt over what happened with Ben. In the real world it’s also about letting go of the original trilogy and accept this is a new generation’s Star Wars—if that final scene of that kid with the Rebel ring didn’t beat this over your head, you clearly weren’t paying attention. Those that don’t let go of the past and embrace the future become Kylo Ren—bitter, angry, and childish.

Maybe that hit a little too close to home for some fans?

The cinematic Star Wars universe is expanding, as it should. It can’t stall out and become stagnant just because some diehard fans are stuck in the past. And if they don’t like it, they can always stick to the books.

Stray Thoughts About The Last Jedi

  • I love the Porgs and I don’t care who knows it.
  • Puppet Yoda, are you shitting me right now!? Amazing! Also, he’s still a dick.
  • Leia used the goddamn Force to get herself back to the ship after she was blown out into space, I don’t know how people don’t understand that.
  • Holdo is a boss bitch and should be respected.
  • Luke better come back as a Force ghost or I’m gonna be super pissed.
  • I ship Poe and Finn forever.
  • Phasma got a raw deal—why bring her back for all of five minutes just to kill her off for real?
  • More BB-9E please.

-A.

Something old, something new

Once upon a time, not really all that long ago, I wrote a weekly opinion column for a local newspaper. Facebook informed me today that the column would have been seven years old this week. That’s a long time to be writing a column.

I’ve missed giving hot takes on the happenings on the local, provincial, national, and international level, so I think it’s high time I got back in the writing saddle. Facebook posts and Twitter threads just aren’t the same.

I’m going to aim for a Friday publish day for an official “column” and just other random postings whenever it strikes my fancy. I’ve tried to make a go of blogs in the past, but it’s not really worked out. Fingers crossed I can keep this one going.

I likely won’t have a piece this Friday, but you never know. Dec. 22 for sure though.

And since the tagline says there will be more F-Bombs, I’ll end this intro post on this:

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

God that feels good.

-A